My blogging friend, Terri, from The Laughing Mom recently wrote about how important it is for writers to read. I could not agree more. While at times I have heard the advice, "Don't waste time reading others' work, write your own stuff," I would not be inspired to write, nor have any idea how to, if not for the written works that inspire me.
Some of my latest reading has been that of a prolific fellow blogger, The Mocha Momma, who writes candidly about issues of race in America (amongst other things), in ways I appreciate. Because of my convictions, I have contributed enough comments to TMM's posts that I've decided to let my thoughts on some of the issues she has presented cross over into Life Flipping's space.
ISSUE #1
http://bit.ly/oE8cxM
TMM Reader: ...I asked you what someone like me, a middle-class white woman raised with a distinct lack of people of color and not a lot of experience PERIOD with racism in general, raised as I was in rural Utah, could do about this problem. You said to me, You can’t. We need to do it. That’s the whole point. I get that. I really, really do. (Here comes the but...) But, that makes me feel helpless and on the outside. I want to be a part of helping things move forward and upward and through and out. I don’t want to be “the white lady that saves” anyone or anything. I just want to help. Tell me how so I don’t come across as what I fear I will be judged as: a white woman of privilege telling a story that’s not mine AND/OR trying to “save” women of color.
The Mocha Momma: I can appreciate the “but” here. Especially because I, like many people, have come to distrust the language we use to define those feelings as “white guilt”. Might I amend my previous statement to you, Leah, and say that while I think the conversations are started by people of color that the response and listening to that delicate talk about race include everyone? Because it goes back to that speaking in a vacuum where you’re only talking to people who look like you or have your racial makeup. Women of color don’t want to be saved, but if people don’t even know these women and don’t interact with them or have any knowledge about their lives then that’s the first place to start. It needs to organically grow from there, but do it together.
ISSUE #2:
http://bit.ly/oE8cxM
TMM Reader: (Quoting The Mocha Momma) "And most importantly, it brings up the issue of white Americans refusing to notice race. It sounds like this: I don’t see color. I only see a person. That’s just not enough. Ask a person of color who has been seen ONLY as a person of color their entire life to come to grips with being just a person by those standards what that’s like. I need you to see my color and acknowledge it because if you ignore it then you might take to rewriting my own history because the sum of who I am is found in that how I’ve previously been perceived because of that color."
OK, see, this is where, I guess, I’ve royally f----- up. I’m trying to teach my kids that there isn’t color, only humanity. Allow me to explain.
Let’s imagine that some fanatical group out there managed to take over the world and mold said world into their image. People of one skin color, one eye color, one hair color, etc. They want to make a homogenous physical society. So, let’s say that were to happen. You know what would happen next? Oh, well that chick has a mole on her face. SHE’S OUTTA THERE! His eyes are just a smidge off. GONE! I honestly think that it’s ingrained in humanity, genetically, to fear the differences and embrace the sameness.
And that scares the crap out of me.
So, whenever my kids point out a difference, I acknowledge the difference, but also tell them, “They’re a person, just like you and me. They have eyes, ears, a brain, feelings, memories, and all that other stuff that makes us human.” I’m afraid of the differences because if I make a big deal out of the differences without pointing out what’s the same, then maybe my kids will ONLY focus on the differences.
I don’t want them to ignore that someone is African-American, but I want them to see through that to what’s beneath. I want skin color, religion, ability/disability, to be secondary.
And because differences were pointed out SO much to me as a kid, I always notice them. And I make a point to force myself now to ignore them.
Did ANY of that make sense? Am I completely wrong?
Me (Sarah): @"TMM Reader": You make sense. I believe that race, although a socially constructed concept, matters because individuals with shared physical traits sometimes share a common experience. To say, “there is no color, we are all the same” minimizes the unjust experiences of Black Americans, for example, or the privilege enjoyed by White Americans even if the intentions behind the statement are well-meaning. I believe it is not only okay to see color, but important. Color is a part of a person’s (and a group’s) context and narrative, and to ignore that is safer but less aware and sensitive.
Also, when I hear someone say we should “look past” skin color, it comes off as though people of certain skin colors are inherently inferior, but that we should look past that detail and give those people a chance. So that seems to be a problematic approach to discussing race/differences.
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Any thoughts, Life Flippers?
- Sarah
ISSUE #1
http://bit.ly/oE8cxM
TMM Reader: ...I asked you what someone like me, a middle-class white woman raised with a distinct lack of people of color and not a lot of experience PERIOD with racism in general, raised as I was in rural Utah, could do about this problem. You said to me, You can’t. We need to do it. That’s the whole point. I get that. I really, really do. (Here comes the but...) But, that makes me feel helpless and on the outside. I want to be a part of helping things move forward and upward and through and out. I don’t want to be “the white lady that saves” anyone or anything. I just want to help. Tell me how so I don’t come across as what I fear I will be judged as: a white woman of privilege telling a story that’s not mine AND/OR trying to “save” women of color.
The Mocha Momma: I can appreciate the “but” here. Especially because I, like many people, have come to distrust the language we use to define those feelings as “white guilt”. Might I amend my previous statement to you, Leah, and say that while I think the conversations are started by people of color that the response and listening to that delicate talk about race include everyone? Because it goes back to that speaking in a vacuum where you’re only talking to people who look like you or have your racial makeup. Women of color don’t want to be saved, but if people don’t even know these women and don’t interact with them or have any knowledge about their lives then that’s the first place to start. It needs to organically grow from there, but do it together.
Me (Sarah): I was glad to see an amendment to the previous response to Leah, a white woman concerned about racism, who was initially informed that she couldn’t do anything about the problem of racial injustice.
I was glad to see a response that ended up including the importance of listening, response, and interaction, because racism is EVERYONE'S problem. Social injustice is everyone’s problem. We each have personal power. As white women, we can choose not to be complacent (as Leah already has) about social inequality. We can educate ourselves. We can support political candidates and policies that take action against bigotry. We can refuse to be safe havens for friends’ and colleagues’ racist remarks. We can raise awareness by sharing our values with our children and friends and other loved ones. We all have an impact on others and on the world.
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ISSUE #2:
http://bit.ly/oE8cxM
TMM Reader: (Quoting The Mocha Momma) "And most importantly, it brings up the issue of white Americans refusing to notice race. It sounds like this: I don’t see color. I only see a person. That’s just not enough. Ask a person of color who has been seen ONLY as a person of color their entire life to come to grips with being just a person by those standards what that’s like. I need you to see my color and acknowledge it because if you ignore it then you might take to rewriting my own history because the sum of who I am is found in that how I’ve previously been perceived because of that color."
OK, see, this is where, I guess, I’ve royally f----- up. I’m trying to teach my kids that there isn’t color, only humanity. Allow me to explain.
Let’s imagine that some fanatical group out there managed to take over the world and mold said world into their image. People of one skin color, one eye color, one hair color, etc. They want to make a homogenous physical society. So, let’s say that were to happen. You know what would happen next? Oh, well that chick has a mole on her face. SHE’S OUTTA THERE! His eyes are just a smidge off. GONE! I honestly think that it’s ingrained in humanity, genetically, to fear the differences and embrace the sameness.
And that scares the crap out of me.
So, whenever my kids point out a difference, I acknowledge the difference, but also tell them, “They’re a person, just like you and me. They have eyes, ears, a brain, feelings, memories, and all that other stuff that makes us human.” I’m afraid of the differences because if I make a big deal out of the differences without pointing out what’s the same, then maybe my kids will ONLY focus on the differences.
I don’t want them to ignore that someone is African-American, but I want them to see through that to what’s beneath. I want skin color, religion, ability/disability, to be secondary.
And because differences were pointed out SO much to me as a kid, I always notice them. And I make a point to force myself now to ignore them.
Did ANY of that make sense? Am I completely wrong?
Me (Sarah): @"TMM Reader": You make sense. I believe that race, although a socially constructed concept, matters because individuals with shared physical traits sometimes share a common experience. To say, “there is no color, we are all the same” minimizes the unjust experiences of Black Americans, for example, or the privilege enjoyed by White Americans even if the intentions behind the statement are well-meaning. I believe it is not only okay to see color, but important. Color is a part of a person’s (and a group’s) context and narrative, and to ignore that is safer but less aware and sensitive.
Also, when I hear someone say we should “look past” skin color, it comes off as though people of certain skin colors are inherently inferior, but that we should look past that detail and give those people a chance. So that seems to be a problematic approach to discussing race/differences.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Any thoughts, Life Flippers?
- Sarah
8 comments:
I don't really know. I do know that when I showed my daughter a picture of Herman Cain after going to see him speak the other night, her initial reaction was, "Oh, I thought he would be younger." Young children use skin color as purely an identifyer because they aren't familiar with any of the stereotypes unless they hear it around the house. Sometimes she calls her skin blonde. You can't really know someone until you walk in their shoes or take the time to speak to them. It's good that communities are getting more diverse so this type of interaction can take place more easily. Everyone has a history. Some have a more complex history than others and it does have an impact on the outcome of their lives. Each individual is different so you can't get too hung up on symantics because it may not mean the same thing to the next person. Interacting, even if only on blogs, is a good and necessary thing.
I agree that greater diversity, increased interaction and willingness to recognize complexities are all very good things. And blonde skin... That's cute. I tend to think of mine as peachy-pink (with spots) :) Thanks for sharing!
- Sarah
The older I get the more variety I see and experience. My skin would be classed as spotted pale, and getting more spots (age spots). =)
One of the groupings where there's so much discrimination, and I've only learned about through interaction with folks from Asia, is the tribal and religious discrimination that seems to dominate areas such as Afghanistan, Pakistan and India. Exclusion is in the action of the beholder.
Love Mochamama and spending time reading her musings, expanding my awareness of other worlds that are really part of mine.
Interesting how when you know someone and interact with them they are someone you identify by name.
When you have not gotten to know them they are often a label.
You'll have my at hello. Let's start the conversation.
- Randy
Matt, the tribal and religious discrimination you are referring to is a great example of why I consider appreciation for diversity and dialogue so very important.
"...expanding my awareness of other worlds that are really part of mine."
Love the way you put that.
- Sarah
Randy: Like, Like, Like. Hooray for conversations :)
- Sarah
Laughing Mom: I'd love to hear how Herman Cain was in person! I remember a documentary I saw where more kids could identify Ronald McDonald than Jesus or The U.S. President, so I'm glad you're showing her a visual! I also completely agree with you that some people use terms simply as identifiers and children, especially don't make it out to be something more than simply that. I'm reminded of a friend's memory when her daughter shared with her class that she was adopted a few decades ago. The teachers seemed to have more attached to that label than the kids.
Matt: I think we can all agree that people have been grouped (by gender, religion, status, tribe, race, what have you) since the beginning of time. Long before documents and polls, which always seem to have some sort of identifying factor on them existed. I am currently reading a very interesting book that focuses a lot on gender roles and how we shouldn't ignore them while trying to find equality with gender issues.
Randy: I think even when you know someone's name, you might not really know them. A lot of people, unfortunately lead secret lives and even who you think you may know...you may not. But I get what you're saying. Interestingly, I imagine that if you are discussing someone you know to someone who doesn't know them, you describe briefly who they are using labels.
Sarah: I'm not saying we all are the same, but isn't it fair to say that people from all racial backgrounds have experienced unjust experiences or privilege? I know many non-white people have had a privileged life and many non-black people have been treated unjustly. Should we stop grouping them all together by label and start looking at individual situations?
Thanks for your thoughtful response, Anna! I am such a comments junkie :) (I love to see that little 'Unmoderated Comment' alert.)
I definitely think that there will always be more variety between two individual lives than between any two groups. But I don't think we need to or should choose between whether to recognize people as individuals or as members of various groups. Every detail involved in each of our lives - including our gender, native country and region, religious affiliations, ethnic group, etc. - contributes to the richness and context of our stories. (I mentioned the historical implications of being Black in the United States as just one example of an important detail that could be overlooked in failing to recognize a person's race; the negative experiences certainly aren't the only information worth gleaning, and the degree of impact on any one individual's life is variable.) Of course everyone has a unique story to share, including pain and, hopefully, the overcoming of it.
While stereotypes are problematic, on the other end of the spectrum the glossing over of any group's shared experience is, too. History is important, and past is prologue.
- Sarah
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