It was difficult for me to relinquish control over my toddler's daily care a year ago. I struggled for months beforehand with the idea of trusting that others might be able to see to her safety and well-being as well as I could. However, since returning to graduate studies and income work, I have discovered that I love our current arrangement. For our family, having the additional income security has been critical. Also, having my studies to retain and develop my identity as an advocate has invigorated and sustained me, and I look forward to the example I will set for my child/ren by earning my degree. Finally, I have been so pleased to watch as my child develops academic skills and a vibrant social life.
Then, Friday's terrible news proved devastating to me and everyone I know. Violence of such a nature and magnitude is overwhelming and heartbreaking. Like most others, I certainly would have experienced a powerful response even if I were not a parent. As a parent, the scenario presents additional layers of complicated feelings and concerns to process. I feel like I all the progress I had made toward feeling confident that my family had arrived at a safe and ideal balance between income needs, educational goals and child care needs has been undone.
Gun violence in the United States is significantly higher than in other developed nations. In 2005, 11,346 people were killed by guns and another 477,040 were victims of non-lethal crimes committed with guns (http://www.nij.gov). In comparison, the annual number of people murdered by firearm in Canada, for example, is approximately 200. "America sees far more gun violence than countries in Europe, and Canada, India and Australia," as well as Singapore, Japan, New Zealand, the United Kingdom and many others. In fact, "the United States has the highest rate of gun related injuries . . . among developed countries." U.S. violence statistics seem to represent a complex confluence of unique factors including journalism ethics, mental health awareness and funding, and gun legislation. In such a society, it is difficult to essentially send my child each day into a public workplace setting without me where regardless of the background checks of staff, their family members, friends, and romantic acquaintances all present unknown risk factors.
I do recognize my anxiety these last few days as being a natural response to the grief we all share in the wake of an almost unimaginable event. That said, the parent in me grapples with where to draw the line on the continuum ranging from recognizing my fears as being not entirely rational, to considering alternative child care arrangements like shared care with other parents, working nights, reducing income needs, eventual homeschooling (which I otherwise wouldn't prefer), or even relocating to someplace with lower violent crime statistics.
Am I normal, or thinking too much?
- Sarah
Then, Friday's terrible news proved devastating to me and everyone I know. Violence of such a nature and magnitude is overwhelming and heartbreaking. Like most others, I certainly would have experienced a powerful response even if I were not a parent. As a parent, the scenario presents additional layers of complicated feelings and concerns to process. I feel like I all the progress I had made toward feeling confident that my family had arrived at a safe and ideal balance between income needs, educational goals and child care needs has been undone.
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| Parenting |
Gun violence in the United States is significantly higher than in other developed nations. In 2005, 11,346 people were killed by guns and another 477,040 were victims of non-lethal crimes committed with guns (http://www.nij.gov). In comparison, the annual number of people murdered by firearm in Canada, for example, is approximately 200. "America sees far more gun violence than countries in Europe, and Canada, India and Australia," as well as Singapore, Japan, New Zealand, the United Kingdom and many others. In fact, "the United States has the highest rate of gun related injuries . . . among developed countries." U.S. violence statistics seem to represent a complex confluence of unique factors including journalism ethics, mental health awareness and funding, and gun legislation. In such a society, it is difficult to essentially send my child each day into a public workplace setting without me where regardless of the background checks of staff, their family members, friends, and romantic acquaintances all present unknown risk factors.
I do recognize my anxiety these last few days as being a natural response to the grief we all share in the wake of an almost unimaginable event. That said, the parent in me grapples with where to draw the line on the continuum ranging from recognizing my fears as being not entirely rational, to considering alternative child care arrangements like shared care with other parents, working nights, reducing income needs, eventual homeschooling (which I otherwise wouldn't prefer), or even relocating to someplace with lower violent crime statistics.
Am I normal, or thinking too much?
- Sarah
4 comments:
I think this is perfectly normal. I, however, over-think all of the madness in the world entirely too much. So much so that I can't even allow myself to bring children into this world because I am filled with too much anxiety. So I think you're doing pretty good!
Kelli
That was basically my stance before having a child, too. Both choices have their merits.
- Sarah
Even before this and other like tragedies, I have struggled with letting go...of my children! I'm happy my one child is in preschool (for now), but worried about that whole decision before taking the plunge...and I might take him out when things are more settled after having my second recently.
And...I was on the other side! I was the teacher doing drills of all kinds, including lockdowns and evacuations and through them all, I still just felt like in the moment it might not have been enough. Sadly, there is so much we don't have control over! And, I would not consider myself one to be calm and collected in typical emergencies, but I surprised myself in the few I found myself in. I just had to take control of what I could and remind myself that the children were looking to me first for support and guidance.
I would hope that I would be able to console, comfort, and protect any children in my care. And of course, I would hope any person I left them with would do the same.
You are not abnormal when you care about the well-being of your child and struggle with every decision surrounding them. The day that is abnormal is a very sad day in our society.
And, you're right...if you feel that strongly about America's track record with gun violence...you could move elsewhere. That would be a huge decision as well.
You have a lot of unique perspectives on this as a mom and a teacher. Just like I said that the event is particularly difficult for parents to sort through, I imagine it has been difficult for teachers everywhere, too. So thanks for sharing about that. From having worked professionally with children in the past, I think about how fierce my protective instincts are and, like you said, it's then frustrating to realize that some forces would simply be out of our realm of control. As far as school issues, we all have big and difficult choices to make, but I suppose this has already been true. I'd rather put my efforts toward the sort of social changes that could prevent future violence than be hyper protective, but social change takes so long, and sometimes I feel so small.
- Sarah
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